Leonardo da Vinci: Time Superstar
Leonardo da Vinci may easily be the greatest genius mankind has ever seen. He painted the Sistine Chapel, invented democracy, wrote down the laws of gravity, and much, much more. But what most have never been aware of is that Leonardo da Vinci was a time-traveller.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE PAST, ITALY
Leonardo, still a fine twenty-something man, smiled as he put on his aviator goggles and stepped into his time machine. Only last week, he had caused the American Civil War, become the original Santa Claus and created Skynet. Eager to put his thumb prints all over more of history, he hit buckled his seatbelt and pulled the lever labelled "RANDOM". A steam whistle was heard, and then it was no more, vanished into the timestream. spread-eagled, on all fours he flew on his rickety Mississippi steamboat, this was the part he liked the least, he hated the construction of boats, despite him having invented them to help the Tibetans during the war of the Spanish Succession when he flooded at least three parts of the world with little more than a packet of hemp and a note from a clergyman Tearing through the space-time continuum technically took no time at all but also took an eternity, but at least the ride was short. With a loud crash, his ride settled on a landing spot.
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATE: THE GOD DAMN JURASSIC
And he was surrounded by velociraptors. But these were no ordinary velociraptors, these were velociraptors that could open fuckin' DOORS. How could this be?! Had Leonardo's altering of the timestream been so throrough as to make them able to do this? Leonardo didn't need to see them in action to deduce this-- he's such a genius. He began to almost care about his alterations of the universe, but instead he pulled the "RANDOM" lever and went off into time.
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATE: LATE 1930'S WISCONSIN
AS RULED BY VELOCIRAPTORS
The surrounding area was full of them. Gangster Raptors reading newspapers, posters for the upcoming raptor president election campaign... "Curses," the Victorian era genius shouted to himself. "Now I'll have to go all over time and space to fix this mess!"
"Enjoying this?" A police box materialized in front of the horrostruck Leonardo, revealing his sneering nemesis. "Socrates!" the man balled up his fist. "I knew you were behind all this!"
"Yeah, isn't it awesome? Velociraptors everywhere."
"No, not awesome!" Leo shrieked. "The eat humans, I'll have you know! But of course... you wouldn't worry about that, would you?" He recalled how Socrates had gotten himself cybernetic implants in their endless chases across time, and thus was really no longer fit to call himself human. As if to prove his point, the dinosaurs, moving as a single pack, rallied behind Cyber Socrates, awaiting his command. Leonardo activated his whirly copterthing.
"You may command velociraptors, Socrates, but they can't fly!" He laughed as his contraption rose up into the air, ejecting from the rest of his time machine. A raptor tried to leap onto it, and hella high did it leap, but Leo, thinking quickly, reached under the seat and pulled out a shotgun, blasting away at them. Da Vinci had an idea. He was going to go back to 470 B.C. when Socrates was born and then punch Socrates' mom in the uterus. He primed up Microsoft Time Traveler 2045, and entered Socrates birthday, but it crashed and gave him a BSOD. Should've used linux. Kafucking BOOM! Leonardo was off like a pickle squeezed between two greased thighs. Quickly Leonardo emptied bucket of human waste upon Socrates, hoping he would get hepatitis c (he invented that too). "Take this douchebag!", and he was off.
But once again, he didn't know WHEN he was off to. Frowning, he kicked the navigation computer until the blue screen gave way, revealing the coordinates of his next destination. He landed in...
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATE: FIVE MINUTES AFTER SOCRATES WAS BORN
Too late, he couldn't punch Socrates' mom in the uterus. Well, he could, but it would serve no point. The place he was in is a cave. With all sorts of medical charts in a familiar handwriting. "By Zeus's hairy balls, tis my handwriting!!" "Who else would it belong to? Replied a familiar looking yet older man then he. "Future Leonardo!" The older version of Leonardo da Vinci nodded, hair white, beard long, and wearing an eyepatch covering a long, badass scar. "That's right, my young self. I have personally assisted the birth to our nemesis, Socrates. Doing otherwise would cause a time paradox that would unravel all of reality, forever."
"Yeah, whatever, man." Young Leonardo rolled his eyes. "We need to hurry to completely fix this, you must go back 9 months and fuck Socrates mother!" "Woah, woah, what?!" Young Leo stepped back, "I'm not doing this, I'm not--" He elbowed, once again, the RANDOM lever, fell onto the seat of his machine, and...
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATES: THE MOMENT WHERE SOCRATES' MOM DECIDES SHE WANTS A CHILD
Leo wakes up, massaging his temples, and now with a throbbing headache. He rolls over in the bed, and sleeping next to him is a nine foot-tall female cyclops wearing a toga.
"Oh shit, I'm not touching that," Leo said. Leonardo has no choice. The Cyclops grabs him and fucks Leonardo in the most unholy and brutal way possible. It's all very traumatic.
Hours later, a broken and battered man tries to escape the room. The cyclops seems too drunk to care at this point, but at the very last moment, she notices him walking out. "...It was wonderful, dear." Leo turns to face her, horrorstruck. "I have a feeling we'll never meet again, but you kept screaming 'Socrates!' over and over, so I'll call my child that. My name is Mona Lisa, by the way."
Leo would never forget that smile. To deal with the traumatic event, with all his spare time that he had (litterally, considering he was a time traveler) he made some dumb painting of her smile. It was okay, but wasn't his best works. "So what do I do now? Oh thats right, find Socrates and tell him I fucked his mother. Leo got into his chronothingamobile and puts in the coordinates for 5 minutes before Socrates dies.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE MOONjQuery1509299914081748368_1305244452004??
Leo's coptermachine thing makes a safe landing on the moon, where the entirety of the Raptor Empire Army prosternates itself in front of an enormous circuity-looking building. The build morphs, until it resolves itself into Socrates' enormous face. "Leonardo, you came back! But now it's too late, I and my velociraptors rule the world... from the MOON!" Leonardo walks up to Socrates and pulls out a revolver.
"Feeling lucky, punk?" Leonardo was a big fan of Dirty Harry films when he was time traveling, and he couldn't help himself. Leo turns a knob and flips a switch, the time machine turns into a giant wood robot, reinforced with brass and iron. Steam shoots out various oriifices . He puts on sunglasses, and so does the robot. "Oh, and Socrates. I fucked your mom."
"WhatjQuery1505752718068725342_1305256230892!" The giant electronic face turned red in rage. "It's on like Donkey Kong! Get him!" All at once, the raptors ran for the giant robot. Only now did it occur to Leo that he could have just punched the cyclops in the uterus while he still had the chance. Considering Leonardo invented velociraptors, he knew their only weakness. Vodka.
Problem: He didn't have any right now. He resisted the brief urge to pop to another time period to get some, but instead had another idea. "I'm a goddamn scientist," he shouted to no one but himself, "I'll just make some!" And in the split-second while the raptors all leapt towards him, he used his scientific expertise to synthesize massive amounts of vodka from base elements found on the Moon's surface. "That was weird." Leo noticing time repeating for a moment. "Oh well. Hey Raptors I got some quintupled distilled vodka for ya!" Leo loads the vodka into his robot.
The robots arms quickly transmorph into liquid cannons and he pumps them up like a mechanized, cosmic super-soaker. The vodka flies across the moon, bathing the velociraptors in the delicious drink. A raptor leader stumbles slowly toward Leo's robot.
"Bro, I..." the raptor stumbles, "I... think I totes love you, man. I mean, and I am not just... not just sayin' that, either. I am, like... I mean LOOK. You have a ROBOT. I mean, come on... man, I never had a robot... my dad, he left when... oh God... daddy... he..."
Leonardo Da Vinci crushed the raptors head as he wept.
"You know what this is missing? Some music." While his robot slammed two more raptors into each other, Leo put it onto autopilot so he could pop a vinyl disc in, labelled "CLASSICAL MUSIC." He put the needle on, and classical music boomed onto the entire surface of the moon.
Which, thanks to Leo's time fuckery, now sounded exactly like the entire KISS catalogue, sped up three times. Because seriously, nobody likes KISS.
"Enough! Said DaVinci. I will kick your ass the old fashioned way." Leo flexes and his clothes rip the fuck off revealing a super buff and oiled body.
Drunken raptors stumbled toward the sinewy, herculean form of the famous renaissance man as the 3x speed version of "Lick It Up" blared across the surface of the moon. Using his bare hands, rippling with hand muscles, he tore the rampaging dinosaurs apart one by one before standing, solemn and alone in a pile of Jurassic entrails.
"You died finely this day, chronal rejects," Leo muttered, blessing their bodies, "but now... I have to set things right. I guess."
"Set THIS right!" Out of nowhere, a metallic fist flew, impacting Leo's jaw. Reeling it in and reattaching it to his arm, Cyber Socrates stepped onto the battlefield, revealing his true form. Thanks to his dabbling in dark arts and cyborg magicks, he now looked exactly like a robot Satan probably would. "Come and get some... dad!"
The remaining few dinosaurs stepped back, allowing the two men a large circle to fight in. The raptors began chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" while their tiny arms are flailing around. KISS reverberates across the moon. Three times as fast. Leo recovers quickly and scissor kicks Socrates in the balls. Socrates laughs at this feeble attempt.
"You idiot bitch," Socrates chides, robot hands on devil hips, "of course I would remove my balls. I've been further into the future than you, Da Vinci! I know your tactics in THIS VERY FIGHT!"
Leo thought on this, and then his eyes burned with rage. He grabbed his chronothingie and threw it at Socrates.
"Then let's skip to the good part, shall we?" he yelled, smirking.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE MOON, RIGHT AFTER SOCRATES AND DA VINCI FIGHT
The moon was pretty much destroyed. It was, at this point, just a bunch of floating rocks hovering in the air. Socrates was bleeding from mouth, because his jaw had been cut off. By a karate chop. "'urse y-y-y-you, 'eonardo da V-v-vin'iiii..." His cybernetic eyes blinked a few times, and finally went out for the final time. He was dead.
Meanwhile, Leo was busy trying to cling to the largest chunk of floating rock he could, gasping for air. His chronothingie. Where was his chronothingie? That had seemed like an awesome idea at the time, but now, he had to think fast!
Leonardo was such a super genius, he created a DeLorean out of moon rock. The real challenge was getting it to 88 MPH. In space, nobody can reach 88 MPH. Leonardo having eaten plenty of cabbage before the fight, positions his anus into the Mr. Fusion and fills her up. He's in the car and sets the time for the 1970's.
As he reached for the final ignition button, a cold, skeletal hand moved to change the settings. Leonard looked back to see Socrates, blood floating in the vastness of space and pouring out of torn mouth-hole. Leo looked back down to see the chronometer or whatever.
"You bastard," Leo growled.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE BEGINNING OF TIME
The DeLorean ground to a screeching halt on the newly created Earth. The world around them was new. Socrates lay in the back seat, not dead, but de-aged. He was baby devil cyber-Socrates. The world around them was new, but something was wrong. All around the DeLorean, a massive brawl was taking place on the newborn world. Gladiators fighting stormtroopers. Aztecs riding pterodactyls. Robots shooting lasers at wizards.
And in front of the car were Future Leonardo, along with a few other men, some Leo recognized, some not. "Ah, my young self. You and Baby Devil Cyber-Socrates are there just in time. You caused some untold damage to space-time, did you know?" He gestured to the other men, introducing them. "Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Johnny Fiveaces. The five of you have been chosen, because you're the best at what you do, and therefore the only ones who can put an end to..."
"The time wars!" He gestured dramatically as everything behind him exploded to illustrate his point.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Leo: Yo Socrates is the source of all my discontent
So I traveled in time and got his mom pregnant
Yeah I put my Leo jimmy all up in his mom's poon
Now we're fighting with these raptors all up here on the moon
Socrates: Hey Leo D, I I got a master plan
I'm gonna turn into a cyber-wizard-devil man
Droppin' bombs on you like hiroshima japan
Hang you out to dry like the Ku Klux Klan
Leo: I throw my time machine and you a baby now
Suckin' bottles or dicks it don't matter now how
We got a time war to fight so you better get set
'cause fuckin' Leo's on the way to make the ladies wet
Future Leo: Trust me, me, you ain't got time for that
You got a war to fight, betta grab ya gat
The Time War's on the way, better get on it stat
Tune in for the next chapter to see our war-winnin' strat
Leo: Yeah what he said you better tune in
'cause these 16 or so pages it just wasn't the end
So prepare for Leo Da Vinci, in the time part two
But peace this Leo D and I bid you adieu
*crowd applauds*
*Fade to black*
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE PAST, ITALY
Leonardo, still a fine twenty-something man, smiled as he put on his aviator goggles and stepped into his time machine. Only last week, he had caused the American Civil War, become the original Santa Claus and created Skynet. Eager to put his thumb prints all over more of history, he hit buckled his seatbelt and pulled the lever labelled "RANDOM". A steam whistle was heard, and then it was no more, vanished into the timestream. spread-eagled, on all fours he flew on his rickety Mississippi steamboat, this was the part he liked the least, he hated the construction of boats, despite him having invented them to help the Tibetans during the war of the Spanish Succession when he flooded at least three parts of the world with little more than a packet of hemp and a note from a clergyman Tearing through the space-time continuum technically took no time at all but also took an eternity, but at least the ride was short. With a loud crash, his ride settled on a landing spot.
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATE: THE GOD DAMN JURASSIC
And he was surrounded by velociraptors. But these were no ordinary velociraptors, these were velociraptors that could open fuckin' DOORS. How could this be?! Had Leonardo's altering of the timestream been so throrough as to make them able to do this? Leonardo didn't need to see them in action to deduce this-- he's such a genius. He began to almost care about his alterations of the universe, but instead he pulled the "RANDOM" lever and went off into time.
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATE: LATE 1930'S WISCONSIN
AS RULED BY VELOCIRAPTORS
The surrounding area was full of them. Gangster Raptors reading newspapers, posters for the upcoming raptor president election campaign... "Curses," the Victorian era genius shouted to himself. "Now I'll have to go all over time and space to fix this mess!"
"Enjoying this?" A police box materialized in front of the horrostruck Leonardo, revealing his sneering nemesis. "Socrates!" the man balled up his fist. "I knew you were behind all this!"
"Yeah, isn't it awesome? Velociraptors everywhere."
"No, not awesome!" Leo shrieked. "The eat humans, I'll have you know! But of course... you wouldn't worry about that, would you?" He recalled how Socrates had gotten himself cybernetic implants in their endless chases across time, and thus was really no longer fit to call himself human. As if to prove his point, the dinosaurs, moving as a single pack, rallied behind Cyber Socrates, awaiting his command. Leonardo activated his whirly copterthing.
"You may command velociraptors, Socrates, but they can't fly!" He laughed as his contraption rose up into the air, ejecting from the rest of his time machine. A raptor tried to leap onto it, and hella high did it leap, but Leo, thinking quickly, reached under the seat and pulled out a shotgun, blasting away at them. Da Vinci had an idea. He was going to go back to 470 B.C. when Socrates was born and then punch Socrates' mom in the uterus. He primed up Microsoft Time Traveler 2045, and entered Socrates birthday, but it crashed and gave him a BSOD. Should've used linux. Kafucking BOOM! Leonardo was off like a pickle squeezed between two greased thighs. Quickly Leonardo emptied bucket of human waste upon Socrates, hoping he would get hepatitis c (he invented that too). "Take this douchebag!", and he was off.
But once again, he didn't know WHEN he was off to. Frowning, he kicked the navigation computer until the blue screen gave way, revealing the coordinates of his next destination. He landed in...
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATE: FIVE MINUTES AFTER SOCRATES WAS BORN
Too late, he couldn't punch Socrates' mom in the uterus. Well, he could, but it would serve no point. The place he was in is a cave. With all sorts of medical charts in a familiar handwriting. "By Zeus's hairy balls, tis my handwriting!!" "Who else would it belong to? Replied a familiar looking yet older man then he. "Future Leonardo!" The older version of Leonardo da Vinci nodded, hair white, beard long, and wearing an eyepatch covering a long, badass scar. "That's right, my young self. I have personally assisted the birth to our nemesis, Socrates. Doing otherwise would cause a time paradox that would unravel all of reality, forever."
"Yeah, whatever, man." Young Leonardo rolled his eyes. "We need to hurry to completely fix this, you must go back 9 months and fuck Socrates mother!" "Woah, woah, what?!" Young Leo stepped back, "I'm not doing this, I'm not--" He elbowed, once again, the RANDOM lever, fell onto the seat of his machine, and...
CURRENT SPACE-TIME COORDINATES: THE MOMENT WHERE SOCRATES' MOM DECIDES SHE WANTS A CHILD
Leo wakes up, massaging his temples, and now with a throbbing headache. He rolls over in the bed, and sleeping next to him is a nine foot-tall female cyclops wearing a toga.
"Oh shit, I'm not touching that," Leo said. Leonardo has no choice. The Cyclops grabs him and fucks Leonardo in the most unholy and brutal way possible. It's all very traumatic.
Hours later, a broken and battered man tries to escape the room. The cyclops seems too drunk to care at this point, but at the very last moment, she notices him walking out. "...It was wonderful, dear." Leo turns to face her, horrorstruck. "I have a feeling we'll never meet again, but you kept screaming 'Socrates!' over and over, so I'll call my child that. My name is Mona Lisa, by the way."
Leo would never forget that smile. To deal with the traumatic event, with all his spare time that he had (litterally, considering he was a time traveler) he made some dumb painting of her smile. It was okay, but wasn't his best works. "So what do I do now? Oh thats right, find Socrates and tell him I fucked his mother. Leo got into his chronothingamobile and puts in the coordinates for 5 minutes before Socrates dies.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE MOONjQuery1509299914081748368_1305244452004??
Leo's coptermachine thing makes a safe landing on the moon, where the entirety of the Raptor Empire Army prosternates itself in front of an enormous circuity-looking building. The build morphs, until it resolves itself into Socrates' enormous face. "Leonardo, you came back! But now it's too late, I and my velociraptors rule the world... from the MOON!" Leonardo walks up to Socrates and pulls out a revolver.
"Feeling lucky, punk?" Leonardo was a big fan of Dirty Harry films when he was time traveling, and he couldn't help himself. Leo turns a knob and flips a switch, the time machine turns into a giant wood robot, reinforced with brass and iron. Steam shoots out various oriifices . He puts on sunglasses, and so does the robot. "Oh, and Socrates. I fucked your mom."
"WhatjQuery1505752718068725342_1305256230892!" The giant electronic face turned red in rage. "It's on like Donkey Kong! Get him!" All at once, the raptors ran for the giant robot. Only now did it occur to Leo that he could have just punched the cyclops in the uterus while he still had the chance. Considering Leonardo invented velociraptors, he knew their only weakness. Vodka.
Problem: He didn't have any right now. He resisted the brief urge to pop to another time period to get some, but instead had another idea. "I'm a goddamn scientist," he shouted to no one but himself, "I'll just make some!" And in the split-second while the raptors all leapt towards him, he used his scientific expertise to synthesize massive amounts of vodka from base elements found on the Moon's surface. "That was weird." Leo noticing time repeating for a moment. "Oh well. Hey Raptors I got some quintupled distilled vodka for ya!" Leo loads the vodka into his robot.
The robots arms quickly transmorph into liquid cannons and he pumps them up like a mechanized, cosmic super-soaker. The vodka flies across the moon, bathing the velociraptors in the delicious drink. A raptor leader stumbles slowly toward Leo's robot.
"Bro, I..." the raptor stumbles, "I... think I totes love you, man. I mean, and I am not just... not just sayin' that, either. I am, like... I mean LOOK. You have a ROBOT. I mean, come on... man, I never had a robot... my dad, he left when... oh God... daddy... he..."
Leonardo Da Vinci crushed the raptors head as he wept.
"You know what this is missing? Some music." While his robot slammed two more raptors into each other, Leo put it onto autopilot so he could pop a vinyl disc in, labelled "CLASSICAL MUSIC." He put the needle on, and classical music boomed onto the entire surface of the moon.
Which, thanks to Leo's time fuckery, now sounded exactly like the entire KISS catalogue, sped up three times. Because seriously, nobody likes KISS.
"Enough! Said DaVinci. I will kick your ass the old fashioned way." Leo flexes and his clothes rip the fuck off revealing a super buff and oiled body.
Drunken raptors stumbled toward the sinewy, herculean form of the famous renaissance man as the 3x speed version of "Lick It Up" blared across the surface of the moon. Using his bare hands, rippling with hand muscles, he tore the rampaging dinosaurs apart one by one before standing, solemn and alone in a pile of Jurassic entrails.
"You died finely this day, chronal rejects," Leo muttered, blessing their bodies, "but now... I have to set things right. I guess."
"Set THIS right!" Out of nowhere, a metallic fist flew, impacting Leo's jaw. Reeling it in and reattaching it to his arm, Cyber Socrates stepped onto the battlefield, revealing his true form. Thanks to his dabbling in dark arts and cyborg magicks, he now looked exactly like a robot Satan probably would. "Come and get some... dad!"
The remaining few dinosaurs stepped back, allowing the two men a large circle to fight in. The raptors began chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" while their tiny arms are flailing around. KISS reverberates across the moon. Three times as fast. Leo recovers quickly and scissor kicks Socrates in the balls. Socrates laughs at this feeble attempt.
"You idiot bitch," Socrates chides, robot hands on devil hips, "of course I would remove my balls. I've been further into the future than you, Da Vinci! I know your tactics in THIS VERY FIGHT!"
Leo thought on this, and then his eyes burned with rage. He grabbed his chronothingie and threw it at Socrates.
"Then let's skip to the good part, shall we?" he yelled, smirking.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE MOON, RIGHT AFTER SOCRATES AND DA VINCI FIGHT
The moon was pretty much destroyed. It was, at this point, just a bunch of floating rocks hovering in the air. Socrates was bleeding from mouth, because his jaw had been cut off. By a karate chop. "'urse y-y-y-you, 'eonardo da V-v-vin'iiii..." His cybernetic eyes blinked a few times, and finally went out for the final time. He was dead.
Meanwhile, Leo was busy trying to cling to the largest chunk of floating rock he could, gasping for air. His chronothingie. Where was his chronothingie? That had seemed like an awesome idea at the time, but now, he had to think fast!
Leonardo was such a super genius, he created a DeLorean out of moon rock. The real challenge was getting it to 88 MPH. In space, nobody can reach 88 MPH. Leonardo having eaten plenty of cabbage before the fight, positions his anus into the Mr. Fusion and fills her up. He's in the car and sets the time for the 1970's.
As he reached for the final ignition button, a cold, skeletal hand moved to change the settings. Leonard looked back to see Socrates, blood floating in the vastness of space and pouring out of torn mouth-hole. Leo looked back down to see the chronometer or whatever.
"You bastard," Leo growled.
CURRENT TIME-SPACE COORDINATE: THE BEGINNING OF TIME
The DeLorean ground to a screeching halt on the newly created Earth. The world around them was new. Socrates lay in the back seat, not dead, but de-aged. He was baby devil cyber-Socrates. The world around them was new, but something was wrong. All around the DeLorean, a massive brawl was taking place on the newborn world. Gladiators fighting stormtroopers. Aztecs riding pterodactyls. Robots shooting lasers at wizards.
And in front of the car were Future Leonardo, along with a few other men, some Leo recognized, some not. "Ah, my young self. You and Baby Devil Cyber-Socrates are there just in time. You caused some untold damage to space-time, did you know?" He gestured to the other men, introducing them. "Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Johnny Fiveaces. The five of you have been chosen, because you're the best at what you do, and therefore the only ones who can put an end to..."
"The time wars!" He gestured dramatically as everything behind him exploded to illustrate his point.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Leo: Yo Socrates is the source of all my discontent
So I traveled in time and got his mom pregnant
Yeah I put my Leo jimmy all up in his mom's poon
Now we're fighting with these raptors all up here on the moon
Socrates: Hey Leo D, I I got a master plan
I'm gonna turn into a cyber-wizard-devil man
Droppin' bombs on you like hiroshima japan
Hang you out to dry like the Ku Klux Klan
Leo: I throw my time machine and you a baby now
Suckin' bottles or dicks it don't matter now how
We got a time war to fight so you better get set
'cause fuckin' Leo's on the way to make the ladies wet
Future Leo: Trust me, me, you ain't got time for that
You got a war to fight, betta grab ya gat
The Time War's on the way, better get on it stat
Tune in for the next chapter to see our war-winnin' strat
Leo: Yeah what he said you better tune in
'cause these 16 or so pages it just wasn't the end
So prepare for Leo Da Vinci, in the time part two
But peace this Leo D and I bid you adieu
*crowd applauds*
*Fade to black*
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