One Step Two Step Three What?
once upon a time there was a turtle named Yampo. He decided to go on an adventure around his lake. His lake was filled with alligators and snapping turtles, unlike his boxer self. Being such a small turtle, he made sure to bring some essential provisions. One thing he never left home without was his trusty taser. Then his mom asked him how he could use that taser without hands. Yampo was very capable with his mouth, as he tasered his mom without using his hands.
He wanted to taser the entire lake. And so he did. Twice. After a third time, a pelican came to scold him. But Yampo would have none of this and he tased the pelican as well. Twice. The pelican's name was Martha, and she was pissed. She flew to her nest and told her husband about Yampo's Rambo-rampage. Enraged, Martha's husband went to confront Yampo. he was pissed as well. He quit what he was doing immediately and started fretting all about in a rage about the whole situation. "Waht shall we do about the debauchery?" Upon hearing the word "debauchery", Martha fell into a coma. Her husband deemed it time to call in the big guns. Attempting to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. after she woke up the sun came out and shined its rays everywhere In an attempt to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. They all lived happily ever after. Except Yampo. His rage continued to burn. He required sacrifice. He wanted blood. In an attempt to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. and tase her and tase her and tase her and tase her There were no survivors. Except Yampo--he was immortal.
But this was all too easy for him. He required a challenge. In an attempt to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. but then dark wizard overlord of mighty Kelvinswords came out of the bushes Yampo instead tased the dark wizard. The dark wizard predicted that Yampo would tase Martha in an attempt to revive her. Then the bushes of hate suddenly burst into flame and it was then that Yampo remembered his true quest of glory was before him, he looked back at Martha and knew this was it...
"Martha, my sweet pelican, we cannot sustain this hate." But she was in a coma and could not hear. Yampo weeped for his pelican lover as he began his quest. But he knew that there were other pelicans to be had, other fish fry, and so he was happy, and he was very happy at that thought.. Although Martha he would miss dearly.
Just then, Shirley the Squirrel came from around the corner. "Shirley!" Yampo cried, "How were able to arrive at this lake shrouded by forests and mists?" Shirley the squirrel was no ordinary squirrel, oh no she was nothing but that, she had an appetite for nuts. "It's quite simple, actually," Shirley replied, "I used a GPS." To which Yampo replied, "WHAT KIND OF SHENANIGANS IS THIS?" "It's quite simple really", Shirley replied. I use a GIS to keep track of all the nuts.
"Where do you keep the nuts you store?" Shirley inquired warmly.
"I'm a turtle, Shirley. What makes you think I store nuts?" as he tasered her. Twice. Suddenly a deep voice came from behind the willow tree, "There are plenty of nuts in the forbidden forest of Witchita. "
"Wasn't me," Yampo said, as he pulled out his gun.
"Who was that?" Shirley cried, her eyes shifting around the trees in a craze. Yampo decided it would be best if he left Shirley to her nut gathering. But there was something strangely intriguing about this forest and that voice. So he decided to investigate. Pulling out his trusty taser, Yampo headed for the nearest willow tree. Shirley protested. Fortunately there as a really sick snowboard that she could use to traverse down the mountain path. Upon seeing this snowboard, Yampo asked Shirley, "Since when did it start snowing?" Shirley said that "It actually always snows"
Bam bam bam. Yampo investigated with three shots at the moon. From the sky fell a dead pelican. To Yampo's surprise, it was Martha. She had recovered from her coma and went a search for her turtle love. With this Yampo got his newfound snowboard and started making his way down the mountain path in search of his Turtle love.
"Martha. It is too late for us," Yampo told her. Zombies, mutants and the undead came popping out from every corner. He knew his love was worth all this though. He gathered up his strength and cast the greatest spell of all time. The zombies all perished, but not the mutants. They grew stronger from the spell.
The mutants rallied under Professor X and they became even stronger. Yampo panicked and yelled for help. While riding the snowboard still, he knew that this could be no good sign. Zombies that nearly perish and them grow stronger are the worst kind to deal with. he knew that this was going to be a long arduous battle of skill, courage and might. "MAAAAAARRRRTHHAAAAA!!!!"
Martha Stewart arose from the ocean, answering Yampo's call for help. Shirley, inspired by Yampo's last stand, charged down the mountain in another snowboard and bowled over the mutants. The mutants, defeated, called out for their master. A giant behemoth climbed around the mountain! It was a giant potato Bug from hell!!! And it was full of rage. Oh boy.
Yampo tased the potato bug, but it had no effect. Martha Stewart attempted to slice it and dice it, but like the taser, it had no effect. "What do potato bugs hate" He asked himself? "Ah" he said, "I have a solution!" "Put it in the pizza."
"You've dialed Pizza Hut Pizza, Moot speaking, how many I help you?"
"Hi Moot, I'd like to order 10 extra large stuffed crust pizzas," said Yampo.
"And some garlic bread with extra garlic," Shirley piped in, much to the disgust of Martha Stewart. Oh God, he thought, what an exhausting job I've picked out for myself! On the road day in, day out. It's much more irritating work than doing the actual business in the home office, and on top of that there's the trouble of constant traveling, of worrying about train connections, the bad food and irregular meals, casual acquaintances that are always new and never become intimate friends. The devil take it all! He felt a slight itching up on his belly, slowly pushed himself on his back nearer to the top of the bed so that he could lift his head more easily, identified the itching place which was surrounded by many small white spots the nature of which he could not understand and was about to touch it with a leg, but drew the leg back immediately, for the contact made a cold shiver run through him.
Yampo then tasered the phone and moot was shocked. Figuratively and literally. "Something fell in there," said the chief clerk in the adjacent room to the left. Confused, Yampo hid in his shell tasering himself. "Alright. That will be $134.35, please," Moot replied.
"Never!" responded the confused Yampo and proceeded to Force-Lightining the phone. "Yes," he thought to himself. Yes. It was all over for Moot, who had worked his final shift. A moment of silence came over the forest, as they mourned the loss of Pizza Hut's best employee. Yampo quietly tucked the deadly weapon back into his shell, and dissipated into the obscurity of the shocked crowd.
Somewhere in Russia, a bear named Bort howled at the moon Yampo had shot. He was angry. So angry, in fact, that he vowed to punish whoever committed the heinous act. As his rage pent up, rain smothered the skies and he was struck by an ominous lightning bolt. Bort shook this omen off and set out for his mission, shotgun in tow. But was struck again, this time by Yampo. Bort would not live to see his day of revenge. The rabbits mourned the loss of the once gentle bear. Yampo could not help himself. He tased the bunny rabbits. Who could stop him. Just then--
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOD DAMNIT LEEROY
-JEEEENNNNNKINNNNNNSSSS "Oh my god, did he just run in?"
"Save him! Oh jeez, stick to the plan. Oh jeez, let's go, let's go!"
"At least I got chicken." And Yampo nodded in approval. Martha had defeated Leeroy. And so the journey ends. And the potato bug lived happily ever after. And after and after. Or did she?
Nah, she didn't. There we no survivors. The end...?
THE END
CHAPTER 2
JUST KIDDING WITH YA
BUT SERIOUSLY Seriously, everyone drains me of my ambition and my only outlet is drinking by myself. Fuck you and your approval game. Bloop Bloop Bloop. Meow. I hope these don't follow me to my future State Senate career. I can talk like this cause the stories over right? Shinta? Much too delicate for the name of a swordsman. That's what she said. TETSTSTS dfgdfsg Another test testtsatdad dasdasdad dfgsgsg gasgfsdgsdfg glurg glurg blaaaaah omg it typed praise da lawd who b yampo be all up in herrr o rly ya rly. where's achilles? omg new page fuuuuu
I KNOW RIGHT?
TOOO MANY PAGES what has this turned into? yampooooooo lives on in our hearts. with a taser in his own. thus he died. for a second there i thought that font was brown. i really need to put on my glasses. go to sleep jen you're up too. testtt works gdfg sdfgsdfg gfgsdfgsdfg sdafasdf sdfsdf fsdfsdf ghjh gfhdgh tryhgfh paperclip was here. Test from ipad .ipad-resolution stylesheet now optimized and implemented. Randomline. Sup Miki? test test test
He wanted to taser the entire lake. And so he did. Twice. After a third time, a pelican came to scold him. But Yampo would have none of this and he tased the pelican as well. Twice. The pelican's name was Martha, and she was pissed. She flew to her nest and told her husband about Yampo's Rambo-rampage. Enraged, Martha's husband went to confront Yampo. he was pissed as well. He quit what he was doing immediately and started fretting all about in a rage about the whole situation. "Waht shall we do about the debauchery?" Upon hearing the word "debauchery", Martha fell into a coma. Her husband deemed it time to call in the big guns. Attempting to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. after she woke up the sun came out and shined its rays everywhere In an attempt to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. They all lived happily ever after. Except Yampo. His rage continued to burn. He required sacrifice. He wanted blood. In an attempt to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. and tase her and tase her and tase her and tase her There were no survivors. Except Yampo--he was immortal.
But this was all too easy for him. He required a challenge. In an attempt to revive Martha, Yampo began to tase her. but then dark wizard overlord of mighty Kelvinswords came out of the bushes Yampo instead tased the dark wizard. The dark wizard predicted that Yampo would tase Martha in an attempt to revive her. Then the bushes of hate suddenly burst into flame and it was then that Yampo remembered his true quest of glory was before him, he looked back at Martha and knew this was it...
"Martha, my sweet pelican, we cannot sustain this hate." But she was in a coma and could not hear. Yampo weeped for his pelican lover as he began his quest. But he knew that there were other pelicans to be had, other fish fry, and so he was happy, and he was very happy at that thought.. Although Martha he would miss dearly.
Just then, Shirley the Squirrel came from around the corner. "Shirley!" Yampo cried, "How were able to arrive at this lake shrouded by forests and mists?" Shirley the squirrel was no ordinary squirrel, oh no she was nothing but that, she had an appetite for nuts. "It's quite simple, actually," Shirley replied, "I used a GPS." To which Yampo replied, "WHAT KIND OF SHENANIGANS IS THIS?" "It's quite simple really", Shirley replied. I use a GIS to keep track of all the nuts.
"Where do you keep the nuts you store?" Shirley inquired warmly.
"I'm a turtle, Shirley. What makes you think I store nuts?" as he tasered her. Twice. Suddenly a deep voice came from behind the willow tree, "There are plenty of nuts in the forbidden forest of Witchita. "
"Wasn't me," Yampo said, as he pulled out his gun.
"Who was that?" Shirley cried, her eyes shifting around the trees in a craze. Yampo decided it would be best if he left Shirley to her nut gathering. But there was something strangely intriguing about this forest and that voice. So he decided to investigate. Pulling out his trusty taser, Yampo headed for the nearest willow tree. Shirley protested. Fortunately there as a really sick snowboard that she could use to traverse down the mountain path. Upon seeing this snowboard, Yampo asked Shirley, "Since when did it start snowing?" Shirley said that "It actually always snows"
Bam bam bam. Yampo investigated with three shots at the moon. From the sky fell a dead pelican. To Yampo's surprise, it was Martha. She had recovered from her coma and went a search for her turtle love. With this Yampo got his newfound snowboard and started making his way down the mountain path in search of his Turtle love.
"Martha. It is too late for us," Yampo told her. Zombies, mutants and the undead came popping out from every corner. He knew his love was worth all this though. He gathered up his strength and cast the greatest spell of all time. The zombies all perished, but not the mutants. They grew stronger from the spell.
The mutants rallied under Professor X and they became even stronger. Yampo panicked and yelled for help. While riding the snowboard still, he knew that this could be no good sign. Zombies that nearly perish and them grow stronger are the worst kind to deal with. he knew that this was going to be a long arduous battle of skill, courage and might. "MAAAAAARRRRTHHAAAAA!!!!"
Martha Stewart arose from the ocean, answering Yampo's call for help. Shirley, inspired by Yampo's last stand, charged down the mountain in another snowboard and bowled over the mutants. The mutants, defeated, called out for their master. A giant behemoth climbed around the mountain! It was a giant potato Bug from hell!!! And it was full of rage. Oh boy.
Yampo tased the potato bug, but it had no effect. Martha Stewart attempted to slice it and dice it, but like the taser, it had no effect. "What do potato bugs hate" He asked himself? "Ah" he said, "I have a solution!" "Put it in the pizza."
"You've dialed Pizza Hut Pizza, Moot speaking, how many I help you?"
"Hi Moot, I'd like to order 10 extra large stuffed crust pizzas," said Yampo.
"And some garlic bread with extra garlic," Shirley piped in, much to the disgust of Martha Stewart. Oh God, he thought, what an exhausting job I've picked out for myself! On the road day in, day out. It's much more irritating work than doing the actual business in the home office, and on top of that there's the trouble of constant traveling, of worrying about train connections, the bad food and irregular meals, casual acquaintances that are always new and never become intimate friends. The devil take it all! He felt a slight itching up on his belly, slowly pushed himself on his back nearer to the top of the bed so that he could lift his head more easily, identified the itching place which was surrounded by many small white spots the nature of which he could not understand and was about to touch it with a leg, but drew the leg back immediately, for the contact made a cold shiver run through him.
Yampo then tasered the phone and moot was shocked. Figuratively and literally. "Something fell in there," said the chief clerk in the adjacent room to the left. Confused, Yampo hid in his shell tasering himself. "Alright. That will be $134.35, please," Moot replied.
"Never!" responded the confused Yampo and proceeded to Force-Lightining the phone. "Yes," he thought to himself. Yes. It was all over for Moot, who had worked his final shift. A moment of silence came over the forest, as they mourned the loss of Pizza Hut's best employee. Yampo quietly tucked the deadly weapon back into his shell, and dissipated into the obscurity of the shocked crowd.
Somewhere in Russia, a bear named Bort howled at the moon Yampo had shot. He was angry. So angry, in fact, that he vowed to punish whoever committed the heinous act. As his rage pent up, rain smothered the skies and he was struck by an ominous lightning bolt. Bort shook this omen off and set out for his mission, shotgun in tow. But was struck again, this time by Yampo. Bort would not live to see his day of revenge. The rabbits mourned the loss of the once gentle bear. Yampo could not help himself. He tased the bunny rabbits. Who could stop him. Just then--
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOD DAMNIT LEEROY
-JEEEENNNNNKINNNNNNSSSS "Oh my god, did he just run in?"
"Save him! Oh jeez, stick to the plan. Oh jeez, let's go, let's go!"
"At least I got chicken." And Yampo nodded in approval. Martha had defeated Leeroy. And so the journey ends. And the potato bug lived happily ever after. And after and after. Or did she?
Nah, she didn't. There we no survivors. The end...?
THE END
CHAPTER 2
JUST KIDDING WITH YA
BUT SERIOUSLY Seriously, everyone drains me of my ambition and my only outlet is drinking by myself. Fuck you and your approval game. Bloop Bloop Bloop. Meow. I hope these don't follow me to my future State Senate career. I can talk like this cause the stories over right? Shinta? Much too delicate for the name of a swordsman. That's what she said. TETSTSTS dfgdfsg Another test testtsatdad dasdasdad dfgsgsg gasgfsdgsdfg glurg glurg blaaaaah omg it typed praise da lawd who b yampo be all up in herrr o rly ya rly. where's achilles? omg new page fuuuuu
I KNOW RIGHT?
TOOO MANY PAGES what has this turned into? yampooooooo lives on in our hearts. with a taser in his own. thus he died. for a second there i thought that font was brown. i really need to put on my glasses. go to sleep jen you're up too. testtt works gdfg sdfgsdfg gfgsdfgsdfg sdafasdf sdfsdf fsdfsdf ghjh gfhdgh tryhgfh paperclip was here. Test from ipad .ipad-resolution stylesheet now optimized and implemented. Randomline. Sup Miki? test test test
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